It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
