is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
