i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
