Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
