I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
