Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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