i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
