Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
