so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
