Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
