Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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