So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
