Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
