it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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