if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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