Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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