great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
