Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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