hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This girl is more easily done than said...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
