then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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