My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
