so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
