is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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