you would pick up someone in the library
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
