I think I died a long time ago.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
