omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
