I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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