the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
