Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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