Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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