Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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