was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
