I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
where am i from again
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
