Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
