I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
there is glitter all over my balls
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
