She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
