we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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