we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
