he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
