I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
