Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
