so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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