just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
