the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
