Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
