i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
