Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
