Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
