I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
