it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
