Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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