i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
