James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
