is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
