Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
